Fighting pancreatic cancer

By Helen Stewart

My Activity Tracking

50
mi

My target 30 mi

I am fundraising for Pancreatic Cancer UK.

Pancreatic cancer is tough to diagnose, tough to treat and tough to research. Please support me and help make a difference to pancreatic cancer.

Now its personal! 

My donations could fund...

20 hours with a nurse on our Support Line

or

9 hours of early diagnosis research

My Achievements

Reached 100% of goal

Reached 50% of goal

Shared page

Self donated

Distance travelled

Reached distance goal

My Updates

Don't wait.....

Well I got the phone call I was dreading today, don't wait til the weekend to come down. I knew it would come but it still took me by surprise. So my last 2 days of challenge 24 are on hold. I will complete them just not right now. My heart is breaking but hopefully I will make it down in time to see my best friend and spend a few very presious moments with her and ultimately say goodbye. I love you Mary, you have made such an impression on my life, you are an inspiration and your memory will live with me forever. 

This is tough

I'm finding this really tough. Not the walking, cycling or running, that's easy. The time spent walking is tough, all I can do is think about why I'm doing this. My heart breaks every day and I wish I wasn't doing it, I wish my best friend wasn't suffering this horrendous disease. I think about the first time we met and how we hit it off instantly. How similar our lifes were and how much we had in common. I think about all the joys we shared and tears we shed along the way. I am so thankful the lows have been few and the highs many. I remember drinking frozen cocktails on the train on the way up to Glasgow, our love of charity shops and the time we almost got stuck in a lift in Princess Square. Sharing 2 bottles of wine then thinking it was a good idea to do some more shopping afterwards, like we needed more stuff. All my memories are happy ones which makes them all the more painful to remember. 

Rain stopped play

Well, almost there. Only did 2 miles today as rain stopped play. I've spent the time thinking about my friend, she was taken back into hospital last night in severe pain. It's so unfair as she has had a couple of good days and I hoped that was the start of it being managed. This is so cruel and I hope that it's just a bump in her road of life. She is such am amazing person and I'm wishing her well. Hopefully just a hiccup xx

Back to work

Tomorrow, 11th June, I go back to work. Today I will complete my 30 mile goal by going for a nice walk (just a shame the weather isn't great). I am going to continue with my mile a day (at least) until the 24th June as I signed up for. Let's see how far I get. Take care and stay safe xx

A wee poem

I can't imagine
 how it would be 
If I were you 
 and you were me
To tell you the news 
 that would break your heart 
I mean Oh My God 
 how could I start 
I wouldn't have courage 
 to write down in text
Coping with now
 not knowing what next
But you are still you
 and I am still me
You'll put up a fight 
 as your strength is key
All I can do 
 is stand by your side 
To love and support 
 to trust and confide 
They'll be tears of laughter 
 sadness and pain 
Through darkness and sunshine 
 best friends we remain 

How I got to now.

It was 1st May, the day my life changed, a day I'll never forget and a day I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I received a text from my best friend and it simply said "Today I have been given the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer!" there were a couple more lines but on that day I didn't read them. The shreek I let out followed by NO NO NO lives in my head every day and trying to relay the message to my partner just seemed impossible, somehow by not saying it would make it untrue. I phoned after I got myself together, didn't want to be the sobbing hysterical friend at the end of the phone that I had been just a few moments before. She answered and we chatted for a while, having a laugh as best we could and agreed that if she looses her hair, I would too. "Your not going through this alone" I said to her. She assured me she didn't want to go down that road and I said "good, it's taken me 10 years to get my hair to this length and I don't want to loose mine either" We laughed a bit more and that was that.
I didn't know then that that was the easy part. 
Over the month I've had only a few texts from my friend so this bit is about me, how I'm living with her pc. and how I've come to writing this and doing a tiny little bit for Challange 24.
I feel helpless (everyday) 
I feel useless (everyday) 
I feel powerless (everyday) 
This is tough! 
I am normally the funny one, the joker, the one who can turn any negative in to a positive, except I can't. I can't make her cancer go away, I can't give her her life back, I am helpless, useless and powerless. I cry every day knowing I may never see my best friend again and the hole she will leave in my life is unbearable. 
After doing a bit of research and understanding that the prognosis for pc isn't good I signed up for Challange 24. I have to do something, doing nothing was eating me up, tearing me apart. It's a tiny little thing but it's something to focus on, aim for and it goes a tiny way to stop me from feeling totally useless, totally helpless and totally powerless. This is the only way I can turn this negative into a positive. 
I don't know how long my friend has because she has chosen to keep that to herself, maybe she doesn't know but I respect her choices but she knows she is loved and is never out of my thoughts. 

Thank you to my Sponsors

£26

Heather Gunn

Well done Helen xxx

£10.40

Alex

Helen you are just amazing and such an inspiration. Thank you for setting this up and your commitment. Have a wonderful day in the now.

£26

Mary Millar

Seems only right that me, whose fighting this cancer donates for nothing else but to support my amazing best friend Helen, who although we can't be together has never let my thoughts for a minute. Thank you Helen. Xx

£10.40

John Montgomery

Hi Helen trying to donate again, hope it works this time, in the event it has worked 3 times, you're welcome

£31.20

Carol Mclachlan

Well done Helen for doing this challenge. Good luck.

£31.20

Janice Brown

Well done to you Helen great idea

£10.40

Simon Poole

Excellent cause, Cuzz 👍

£10.40

Kirsty Macdonald

Well done Helen 💙

£30

Juli Tamburini

Sending all our love. Xx

£10.40

Laura Allison

Sending you love

£26

Donald Sutherland

£18.72

Douglas Turner

£31.20

Graham Sutherland

£16.64

Vicky Yoga

I think this is a really positive challenge to take on Helen, I really wish your Friend and you all the luck in the Universe. Vx

£20

Anonymous

£100

Anonymous

£104

Brian Stewart

£10.40

Helen Stewart

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